Monday, February 11, 2008

GLOBAL WARMING CARTOON CAPTION CONTEST



Who's talking and what is he saying? The discussion is about global warming and climate change, and that's St. Peter in heaven giving these two blokes the thumbs down, meaning, they were not admitted to heaven for some reason or other having to do with how they did or not fight against climate change. One of those guys might be a lawyer. Try your hand at writing your own caption, and put it in the comments section below, anonymous comments allowed or email the comments to us at danbloom at the gmail account. You know the drill.

58 comments:

Anonymous said...

1

LAWYER: (to his hapless client)

"I told you! You didn't do enough to combbat global warming..."

================

OR

==================
2

LAWYER to client: "He's sending you down to Hell. You didn't do enough to fight against global warming!"

Anonymous said...

Man A says to man B:

"We're both stuffed. You discovered oil, and I invented the car."


-- caption contributed by Lila Smith in New Zealand. [Editor's note: I assume STUFFED is New Zealand slang for "fucked"....or something like that]

Anonymous said...

David in New York City sent in this caption:

Man A says to Man B:

"The fuck starts here!"

===========================

Brad Arnold sent in this caption:

"I told you God wants lower taxes!"

Mark said...

St. Peter, looking at receipts from ExxonMobile for lobby payments. "One of you was on the wrong side of history. You chose unwisely."

WalksOnDirt said...

See, I told you global warming wouldn't be a problem until after we were dead.

dan said...

1. Mark's caption:

St. Peter, looking at receipts from ExxonMobile for lobby payments, speaks to the two men standing in front of him: "One of you was on the wrong side of history. You chose unwisely."

=============
2.
WalksOnDirt's caption:

The man holding the brief case says to the man standing beside him: "See, I told you global warming wouldn't be a problem until after we were dead."

dan said...

St. Peter motions to the lawyer that his client is being "sent down" (to Hell), and then the lawyer says to the client: "Damn, you made too many angry, anti-Bush comments on that Dot Earth blog in the New York Times! I told you not to be so open with your criticism of the Dubya administration! It's all come back now to haunt you. Say goodbye to paradise, you overzealous blogger you! I'll send you the bill later."

Anonymous said...

Maybe those carbon trading scams were not as brilliant an idea as I thought.

Anonymous said...

I didn't say I like it THAT hot. I just said a little global warming heat wouldn't hurt anyone.

MK said...

An American lawyer talking to UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon, says: "What this winged gentleman is saying, essentially, is that a delegation of little green people has come up with an offer that he simply couldn't refuse, and that, unfortunately, none of us -- not even the President of the United States of America -- can expect to cash in on this deal. I figure we should sit ourself down, Mr. Moon, and draft an appeal."

Anonymous said...

And when you get to heaven the Lord will say, "What about those greenhouse gases you emitted each day?" And when you said you do not know, the Lord will say, "Please step below."

plushtown said...

Mr. A to Mr. B

He means thanks for all the unwarned souls when Greenland and West Antarctic ice losing weight triggered earthquakes beneath, which aided by magma already close to the surface in Northeast Greenland and West Antarctica, pushed massive ice overboard, but they're full up now. No one's hungry anymore.

Wayne said...

President Bush's Lawyer is saying to St. Peter
'The President says sorry he did not realize that Global Warming WAS Hell"

trinifar said...

Executive to CEO: Remember when you told me to halt all our charitable contributions to symphonies and chamber orchestras? Turns out, we were supposed to stop the violence against nature -- not the violins.

plushtown said...

Mr. A to Mr. B:

He means, thanks for all the stuff blamed as Gaia's revenge, but since almost everyone who saw this cartoon went in there with the rest, they're full up now. No one's hungry anymore.


(see my earlier earthquakes under glaciers one for part of exposition of above)

Anonymous said...

See, I told you God Almighty exists and directs everything that's happening between heaven and earth, but you stupid atheist kept on nagging about carbon dioxide.

dan said...

These are great. Keep em coming! -- Editor Dan

===========
1.

Man with briefcase to man standing next to him: "Maybe those carbon trading scams were not as brilliant an idea as I thought."

2

Man with briefcase says to St. Peter in front of him: "I didn't say I like it THAT hot. I just said a little global warming heat wouldn't hurt anyone."


3.

An American lawyer, talking to U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon stnading next to him, explains: "What this winged gentleman is saying, essentially, is that a delegation of little green people has come up with an offer that he simply couldn't refuse, and that, unfortunately, none of us -- not even the President of the United States of America -- can expect to cash in on this deal. I figure we should sit ourself down, Mr. Moon, and draft an appeal."

4.

St Peter eplains to the two men: "And when you get to heaven the Lord will say, 'What about those greenhouse gases you emitted each day?' And when you said you do not know, the Lord will say, 'Please step below'."



5.

Mr. A says to to Mr. B: "He means thanks for all the unwarned souls when Greenland and the West Antarctic ice sheet lost weight and triggered earthquakes beneath the ice shelf, which, aided by magma already close to the surface in northeast Greenland and West Antarctica, pushed massive ice overboard. But they're full up now. No one's hungry anymore."


6.

US President George Bush's lawyer is saying to St. Peter:
"The President says 'sorry', he did not realize that Global Warming *WAS* Hell!"



7.

The Executive says to the CEO: "Remember when you told me to halt all our charitable contributions to symphonies and chamber orchestras? Turns out, we were supposed to stop the violence against nature -- not the violins."


8.

Mr. A says to Mr. B: "He means, thanks for all the stuff blamed as Gaia's revenge, but since almost everyone who saw this cartoon went in there with the rest, they're full up now. No one's hungry anymore."


(RE: the earlier ''earthquakes under glaciers'' caption , above, for part of exposition of above)


9.

Cartoon balloon: "See, I told you God Almighty exists and directs everything that's happening between heaven and earth, but you stupid atheist kept on nagging about carbon dioxide."

dan said...

Thanks for this cartoon caption contest

Have put one up.


— Posted by plushtown on Dot Earth

Anonymous said...

Brad adds this one:

Man A says: "Looks like my kid was right when he said the climate was going to get hotter fast."

Rionn Fears Malechem said...

Apparently, I wasted a lot of money on Carbon offsets

Gerard Readett said...

We're in with a chance. No one's told him it's a carbon footprint he's supposed to take, not a carbon thumbprint.

Anonymous said...

I told you so: Exegeration of a temperaturecurve is covered by the eight commandment

dan said...

Two more good captions!

1
Lawyer to client: "We're in with a chance. No one's told him it's a carbon footprint he's supposed to take, not a carbon thumbprint."

2
Layer to client: "I told you so! Exaggeration of a temperature curve is covered by the
8th commandment."

Anonymous said...

Mayor Gloomberg, rejecting St. Peter's thumbs down for his client's application to Heaven, interjects:

"Global warming is a much longer-term thing than terrorism, and it has all of the same potentials of destroying mandkond and the planet that we live on. No scientist knows for sure what's going to happen by year 2500, but we don't want to wait to find out!"

Anonymous said...

Mayor Bloomberg, representing his New York City client, in front of St. Peter, opines: "Terrorists kill people. Weapons of mass destruction have the potential to kill an enormous amount of people, but as you know, Peter, global warming in the long term has the potential to kill everybody."

Anonymous said...

The lawyer, a born-again fundamentalist, says: "The root cause of the environmental declines we are facing throughout the world is a fulfillment of Bible prophecy. Once one-fourth part of the Earth is destroyed (Re.6:7-8), ahem, we will move forward to the next Seal events, ahem, followed by Trumpet events, and then followed by, ahem, Plague events. The Earth is on a downhill slide. It will not recover. The first four Trumpet events will destroy an additional one-third part (Re.8:7-12). St. Peter, let my client go!"

Anonymous said...

Wig-less UK barrister to his client, James Lovelock, 88:

"Sorry, but I think God just gave you the thumbs down on your personal opinions about global warming and climate change. While your Gaia ideas were thought-provoking, the very idea of future generations having to move to the
Arctic in a few hundred years time where 'breeding pairs' of humans will have to live to continue the human species just made Him shiver. And I fear it
sounded like scaremongering to old St Peter as well."

GordoM said...

Herb,
This is, unfortunately for you, the beauty of pre-paid legal.


http://muskegonpundit.blogspot.com/

dan said...

Lawyer to client: "Yes, well...I guess we can't be too surprised by that decision. Global warming's real meaning is not easy for any of us to face, I don't think. You've just been more tenacious than the rest of us. So down you go!"

Anonymous said...

Now you tell me you're not a statistician.
========================

Oh, hell. said...

Apparently, just having watched Al Gore's movie isn't enough.

danielsrichmond said...

"Worst, he's sending us back to fix what we broke."

Anonymous said...

Man to other man: "I knew we would be among the chosen, and not those losers LEFT BEHIND."

St. Peter: "Not so fast, fellas. How about your global warming sins? You're going DOWN BELOW."

lamarguerite said...

I am lousy with cartoons, and jokes. But I do think this is a great initiative Dan!

Anonymous said...

Lawyer to client, after getting the thumbs down from St. Peter:

"Well, look at it this way. The climate clock is ticking, the parts per million stats are almost up to 400 ppm, and at this point even God is in big trouble. His creation is at the tipping point, and according to Dr Lovelock, our goose is cooked. So who is Saint Peter to sit in judgment? This thing is bigger than he is!"

Anonymous said...

Lawyer to client: "Like Stevie Wonder, I am thinking about higher ground. We are oh so screwed! And HE has the affrontery, Fucking Saint Pedro, to send us down?"

Anonymous said...

Lawyer: "St. Peter is a jerk. He holds back from the true horror of the scenario he rejects. He speaks of migration of peoples away from devastated regions as if that were a real possibility. This is unlikely for a number of reasons -- most victims of climate change will have no alternative but to stay in place and die. Fuck you, God!"

Anonymous said...

I thought the profit(sic) said "Hell on Earth"!!

Anonymous said...

Lawyer, to his client Andrew Revin of the New York Times: "You see, He also thinks you were too draconian with your Dot Earth posts, and this, Andy, is your payback!"

Anonymous said...

Lawyer to his climate change blogger client Danny Bloom, may he rest in peace: "I guess He felt your pcillu101.blogspot.com blog was a wicked blog...."

Anonymous said...

Lawyer, to client Danny Bloom: "I guess He didn't exactly cotton to your polar cities idea! It's the price you pay for being a scaremonger!"

dan said...

Lawyer, to his client UK scientist James Lovelock: "Gaia, schmaia!"

Daniel Gross said...

No, not Hell... back to Earth, where it's really hot.

Anonymous said...

Lawyer, sotto voce, muttering to himself on January 1, 4008: "St. Peter wouldn't know Adam from Eve. He's that thick! But to cut to the chase for
your benefit O Lord of the Universe, I envision polar cities
being inhabited not by homo sapiens but by a new species of homo that will be
many times wiser than any of us could attain. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, St. Pete!"

Anonymous said...

Lawyer, to his client, John Holdren: "Global warming was a misnomer, I guess. It implied something gradual, uniform, and benign. What we experienced was none of these. So naturally, God misunderstood us. Down you go, sir. Save a place for me, later."

dan said...

Lawyer, to client: "I guess He didn't understand that the religion of endless growth -- like any religion based on blind faith rather than reason -- is a kind of mania, a form of lunacy, indeed a disease."

Anonymous said...

Lawyer: "In a recent Science Times article about capturing energy from air, Ken Chang wrote that
a commercial nuclear-powered gasoline factory would have to jump some high hurdles before it could be built, and thousands of them would be needed to fully replace petroleum. Really?
Thousands of nuclear-powered gasoline factories?
In which circle of Hell would those be situated, I wonder?
Dante? Virgil? Beatrice?
Help!"

Anonymous said...

The lawyer, completely blown away by St Peter's inflexibility, says, to whoever will listen:

"We remain in denial. We accept a projection of nine billion people on the planet by 2050 as “inevitable.” Additionally, economist Jeffrey Sachs noted recently that “The arithmetic is becoming clearer. If the rich nations continue to grow in income and the poor ones systematically narrow the income gap with successful development, by 2050 the global economy might increase sixfold and global energy use roughly fourfold.”.... We remain fixated on technological solutions that will allow economic and demographic growth to continue on a finite Earth. Yet, as Edward Abbey pointed out, “We can see that the religion of endless growth–like any religion based on blind faith rather than reason–is a kind of mania, a form of lunacy, indeed a disease.”.....Will we ever quit searching for the next technological jolt that will allow us another spurt of economic and demographic expansion? I doubt it. Rather, we seem destined to continue down the same growth path, leaving in our wake nuclear waste, species extinctions, barren lands, oceanic dead zones, and a host of other ravages to Earth, until some truly catastrophic event wakes us up. Too bad were not smarter than that!"

--- [perhaps the longest cartoon caption in the world. A carbon caption, no less? - Ed.]

Hank Roberts said...

St. Pete is saying

You nitwits. God gave you a galaxy full of planets waiting for you to figure out how to reach, and the Earth so so rich with living things of all sorts to take out with you as you grew out into that galaxy, where you'd find a place suitable for every single one of Her creatures to live with you.

And you ate them.

To hell with you all.

God's evolving the raccoons and feeling hopeful for the first time in four thousand years.

And the speech balloon says:

Urp!

dan said...

Overseas editor says: These are getting better and better. Keep em coming. Space unlimited. Hank Roberts, good one!

-- db, OE

Anonymous said...

Lawyer: "We remained fixated on technology solving the problems related to global warming. Maybe there would be break-through, maybe not, but we decided to keep talking and looking, and hopefully some creative engineer would come up with something to save the day. So for that, you are sending us down? No admittance to God's Mansion? What kind of gate-keeper are you? You are the Devil in disguise, St. Peter. You fool nobody!"

Anonymous said...

Lawyer: "St. Pete, you should have read James Kunstler's World Made by Hand before you issued your judgment on my client. It was a realistic depiction of the post-collapse world. More than anything, that book was sad. It would have made you sad. It's a cliche to say that we took everything for granted. We did, but you need that truth rubbed in your face sometimes to revitalize it. St. Peter, wake up, I beseech you!"

Anonymous said...

Lawyer: "It's all over now except for the handwriting on the wall..."

Anonymous said...

You guys spent hundreds of billions of dollars of other peoples money claiming to attempt to make a one degree temp change? It was the sun stupid and we certainly aren't letting you get any closer to it.

nicteis said...

Accountant to CEO: "Actually, Sir, this was covered in our profit/loss statement on your coal operations. Remember that footnote on page 54 about externalities?"

Anonymous said...

Lawyer to client "You milked the taxpayer for a bogus cause which left less money for them to fight real problems. The bad news is you are going to hell. The good news is it's frozen over due to global cooling."

Philip Machanick said...

I told you that kind of lie would only work at a Senate hearing. Exxon-Mobil's budget doesn't stretch to bribing this lot.

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